I’m somewhat of a perfectionist….more like an aspiring perfectionist. I mean, that’s kinda what we all are, right? All in this world, trying to learn a little more, to be better at our jobs, to have better relationships, all the things. ya know?
I sure know.
You see, I have this problem….I want to be better (the best) at EVERYTHING I do. I can probably thank my Daddy for it – I get real competitive. And as much as I get competitive with others (i.e. I totally give myself a wedgie while racing someone on the slides at a public pool (if you haven’t tried this, do it. A little weird, gross, whatever. BUT YOU FLY!)) I’m reeeeeeeeaaaaalllly competitive with myself. And I’m also pretty impatient with myself.
aka, I want to be the best at things and I want to be the best RIGHT NOW.
Not the best recipe for success.
And I totally know this. duh. I’m a distance runner. I know that it takes mile after mile to run a marathon.
But sometimes I forget. And lately I have forgotten.
We recently entered a new phase of life a little…Ames started preschool & soccer. And while it’s not that much…for the first time in a realllly long time, I’m on his time schedule a lot of days. I’m kinda a do-it-on-the-fly kinda girl; I haven’t had a real schedule since before Ames was born. So now that I have to be more scheduled I decided I was going to schedule my life away…
- Wake up at 6 am to run + lift + yoga (haven’t really set my alarm in who knows how long. I just let mother nature, or my kids, wake me up)
- Eat all the veggies + homemade dinners
- Don’t eat the sweets
- Dive deep into home renos (hello painting baseboards & doors)
- Blog or journal everyday
- Grow our Forca Business
- Do at least 1 kid activity a day. Like, a planned-out “super mom” activity
- Be on top of our budget day-to-day
- Keep my house clean and a dishes-free sink
- etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc
I had quite the list. Here’s the problem though…in order to do all these things, I would have to be REALLY scheduled out (too scheduled). And going from not having a schedule at all, to really scheduled is not fun and after trying to do it for a week, just quite simply not healthy.
I was trying to bite off way more than I could chew. So instead of feeling accomplished at the things I DID get done, I ended every night feeling down on how much I DIDN’T get done. And, to top it all off, I am first and foremost a MOTHER to 1 and 3 year old babes.
My list of things I was going to do would have been hard for any hustler, let a lone a mother of 2 super high-energy kids. To do the simplest task it usually takes me twice as long as it should because I constantly have kids literally hanging on me demanding my attention. And those of you know Corra know that she is NON STOP. She doesn’t get into things to play, she gets into things to destroy them then moves on to the next thing. A large portion of my day is spent just cleaning up after her.
After about a week of trying my new “schedule” and feeling like a huge failure, I’ve come to realize that there are different routes achieve ‘perfection’. I was trying to do the world’s way to perfection. None of the things on my to-do list were bad; in fact, they are all really good things. The problem was that I wasn’t allowing myself to, frankly, be myself while getting them done.
For example, if I didn’t wake up and run at 6 am I felt like a failure even if I still got my run in that day! But just because I didn’t do it first thing in the morning, which meant I had to run on the treadmill while my kids watched a show or pushed them in the stroller, I felt guilty. It was like I was a bad mom for taking an hour of my kids awake time for myself.
And even though I have worked more on this blog & Força than I have in a long time, I wasn’t doing it everyday like I wanted to: failed, guilt.
And even though I made more homemade, healthy dinners than I usually do, I didn’t do it every day: failed, guilt.
You get the picture. I was trying so hard to get things done in a way that was so unnatural to me.
As mentioned before, I’m an on the fly kinda girl….and a hustler. I get crap done for the most part, but I’m not a big scheduler. Never have been. I’m more…just moody. When I’m in the mood to clean, I clean hard. When I’m in the mood to cook, I cook hard. If I wake up early enough to run before Nate goes to work, I run hard. If not, I put on a show or throw the kids in the stroller and, I run hard. This has always worked for me. Why can’t it work for me now?
Yes, yes, I know that having a schedule does help. But having Ames in school and soccer are forcing me to be more scheduled, why put more on myself. Why can’t getting used to his little schedule be enough for me right now as well?
I figured it out…IT CAN BE ENOUGH!
I got too caught up in what the world was telling me I had to do to be successful and stopped using and loving the “Kacee Method.” And you know, not to toot my own horn, but I think the Kacee Method has been working pretty alright for the past 27.5 years.
Do I have room to improve? OF COURSE. But I need to be okay with having small and simple things be enough. Small and simple things to having a better schedule. Small and simple things to waking up earlier. Small and simple things to blogging more.
Small and simple things can be enough.
I will always be competitive. I will always want to be the best. But from now on, I’m not going to forget that for Kacee, the ‘Kacee Method’ works the best to achieving things. And to improve the ‘Kacee Method’ all I need to do are small and simple things.
So next time you see me dying as I haul my tots up the hill while trying to get my run in, just know that I’m still hustling to get better.
I’m just and doing things the best way I know how.
And really, that is enough.
P.S. we have this COPILOT MODEL A Bicycle Trailer/Stroller. I’ve ran with a BOB double stroller and I really like running with this one more!