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23 Weeks Confession Session

Baby boy has finally decided to make an appearance!  TWO strangers this week have commented on me being pregnant…I think I’m finally out of the ‘just looking chubby’ stage and actually look preggo…yay!
Speaking of being pregnant, I think a Confession Session is in order.  Because, although I’m suuuuper thankful and feel very blessed to be pregnant, it still can be hard at times.  This past week has been one of those times for me.  Here is why:
My Body: I don’t think anybody likes gaining weight.  For years and years I have been very in-tune with my body (I think running does that for you).  I knew when it was tired, sick, over eaten, under eaten, etc and I knew exactly how to fix most things.  I stayed at a very stable weight too.  I have been right around 118 for, like, a long time.  Sometimes a little less if I’m training really hard, and sometimes a little more when I decided to eat cookies all week 😉  But then this little thing started to grow inside of me and I feel like I have no control of my body!  I gag waaay more than I ever have, I get tired doing things that I wouldn’t even blink while doing before, and that dang scale just keeps going up and up! Stepping on the scale and having it read 11 pounds more this week is, of course, a good thing.  Means baby boy is growing and my body is doing what it is supposed to.  But at the same time, I really miss my body.  Yes, I miss being skinnier, but that’s not what I really miss.  I miss being so in-tune with my body and knowing exactly how to take care of it.  I miss being able to flop down on the bed on my belly and not thinking twice about climbing around when we go camping.  I miss not having to be cautious about things.  I miss having lots of energy.  I miss running hard and challenging myself.  Sometimes I think pregnancy would have been easier if I was a lazy person.  But really, not being able to do physical things like I used to has been probably the hardest thing for me thus far.  Again, I am SO thankful that my body is able to create this little babe and is doing it without complications.  And my heart goes out to those who can’t become pregnant.  But it doesn’t refute the fact that pregnancy completely changes your body.  I am trying hard each day to accept & enjoy my 9+ months of forced laziness..but, it’s been HARD and I know that I’m just going to get bigger and bigger and it’s going to get harder and harder.  I guess that is my new challenge.  Instead of challenging myself to get more fit, my new challenge is to relax and be okay with getting unfit 🙂 
Becoming a Mom: I am soooooo soooo excited about this one. But at the same time, I am scared!  There, I said it, I am s-c-a-r-e-d.  I want to badly to be a good Mom, but I don’t know what the heck I am doing/going to do.  I feel like I can keep the little guy alive well.  Changing diapers and feeding him doesn’t make me nervous. But teaching the little dude about things, or making sure he becomes a successful man blows my mind!  How do Nate and I do it?!  
Life Change: Nate and I are in for something that will permanently change our lives forever.  Change is a good way, of course.  But change is always hard in someways to get used to.  More money to be spent, less sleep to be had, less spontaneous adventures, more responsibility.  I am trying to prepare myself for this one as best I can, but I know that it is going to take some getting used to.
Training Hard & Racing: Yes, I am still running, but the running I am doing right now is not the kind of running I love.  I miss doing workouts and pushing my body to the limit.  I miss my typical Summer training trying to log as many miles as my body could handle.  I am so so thankful that I am able to still run and workout, but, it’s just not the same.  It feels good every once in awhile to plop around.  But plopping around for 40 weeks is not my favorite thing in the world.  Not to mention not being able to race.  Yes, I can still run in races…but I can’t race.  I think it would almost be harder for me to do a race right now because I would have to restrict myself and not let myself go hard.  Again, I am so grateful that my pregnancy has allowed me to be active and I definitely know I there are plenty of women that have it so much worse.  However, it is still hard sometimes to give up something that has been a HUGE part of my life for the past 8+ years.
Phew. Those are the big things that have been on my mind lately.  Just lots and lots of BIG changes.  My body is currently changing a ton, but I know that that will seem like no big deal when our little dude gets here.  As much as I worry about these things, I am always comforted by other things.  I know without a doubt that Nate and I are supposed to be having this little boy right now.  Even though, as you can probably tell, I don’t quite feel ready for it, I really do know that this is our time to start having babies.  And I know without a doubt that when you do things with faith, that you will be blessed.  And I am comforted by being married to an awesome man.  Nate seriously makes everything seem…smooth.  He always makes me feel good and I know that he is going to be an awesome Dad 🙂  Seriously, whenever I think about becoming a Mom I get nervous, but thinking of Nate being a Dad, I am sooooo happy and excited!  It’s going to be the highlight of my life to see that guy as a Dad.  I also have AMAZING family and friends that are so excited and supportive of me.  We visited our families this weekend and having all my sisters and family members be so excited for the little dude was another reminder of how blessed I am to be a Mom to someone so popular 😉  It really is the best knowing that I have people, like my baby sister Aisha, who gets mad at others when they forget to pray for the baby.  This little boy of ours is already so loved; it makes being pregnant so much easier knowing that.  So as much as it feels good to have “Confession Sessions” like this one, in reality I know without a doubt that being pregnant is totally, totally worth it and that this little boy of ours is going to bless our lives in so many ways.  I cannot wait 🙂
Now, for some pictures of everything lately.  Lots of camping trips (Zion National Park, Bryce Canyon National Park, Cedar Canyon), and just some random stuffs:
Yes, she was actually sleeping like this.

Cedar Breaks.

Bryce Canyon

Bryce Canyon

Baby Boy has already been on a few hikes and adventures 🙂

Angels Landing

Look at that beard!

So I might have been sticking my belly out a little…but I needed to actually look more pregnant for a shot like this 🙂

The great stuff you find at Ross.

Like I said, this little tyke is already super loved 🙂

1 thought on “23 Weeks Confession Session

  1. You are adorable and so real. I love it! I know that pregnancy is not all rainbows and butterflies and you do a good job of capturing both the real and the wonderful. And regardless of what you may feel, you make pregnancy look SOO good! Keep up the good work. I'm excited for you guys!

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